Hideous. That's the only word that appropriately describes this item. I mean, have you seen the thing? If so, I think that you'd agree with me 100%. If not, just look at the picture next to this description. But please disregard the fact that I look like a complete tool in this darn thing! I tried to find someone who looked better in it, but sadly Megan Fox was a little too busy and there's no one else who could pull off a look quite like this! So, you get what you get.
Now, you might be wondering how I came to own this oh-so-lovely article of clothing. Did I buy it? Heavens, no! Did I get it as a gag gift? Definitely not. Did my Grandma knit it for me? Psh! That shouldn't even be a possibility! The truth is that I found it. (No, correction...it found me.)
It happened last Tuesday night when I was at the Coin Laundry down the street. As I was pulling my jeans and work shirts out of the dryer, I noticed something red and "fuzzy" among all the familiar shades of blue. Curiously, I latched onto the new speciman with my thumb and index finger, pulled it carefully from the machine, and yelped like a little girl. (No joke! I've had a serious phobia of clowns ever since watching Stephen King's It.) The atrocious combination of colored yarn then fell to the floor and continued to stare at me menacingly. So, before I left, I made the only obvious choice that was available to me: I brought it home.
Well, now that you know exactly why I don't want this thing, you're probably wondering why you should waste your money on it. Here's why:
1. You could wear it to your office's annual "Ugly Sweater" Christmas party (you'd be guaranteed to have the ugliest thing there!)
2. This sweater still has the tags on it, (Hmm....hard to guess why.) and it's unisex, so it could be a great gift for just about anyone!
3. My buddy bet me 2 tickets to a Raptors game that I couldn't even sell this thing on Ebay. If I win, I'm going to propose to my girl over the big screen. She's always told me how that would be her dream proposal, so buy this sweater and help me make her dream come true!
Thanks and happy bidding!
